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Oxblood? Bloggers, please.
And can we stop calling things “the new ______”? Forty is not the new thirty. Pumpkin is not the new bacon. Strong is not the new skinny. Binders full of women is not the new Big Bird. And oxblood is not the new black, it’s the old burgundy.
Yes, it’s lovely, but it’s also Wine. Or, if you’re fancy, Bordeaux. Or, if you’re into Twilight, Vampire Orgasm. Or, if you’re a crayon, maybe it’s Maroon. Or, if you’re into food, it could be Deep Plum or Aubergine or Ripe Berry. If you’re into baubles, perhaps it is Ruby. Or if you’re into 50 Shades maybe it’s Bruised. Hell, if you’re into HTML it could even be #660000. So many options! So why are we calling it oxblood?
Let’s conjure up a picture of oxblood, shall we? Well, first of all, we have to have an ox.
Here’s a little, baby musk ox.
Now let’s cut the bitch.
I know, I know, so inappropriate, but how else are you going to get its blood?
Now we have a wounded, suffering, bleeding animal (yes, I do eat meat, thank you, shut up) and it’s such a lovely color, isn’t it, sort of looks like burgundy, but let’s call it oxblood and market every burgundy thing we can find under that name this season because it’s so original and riche and chic and on-trend!
Doesn’t the name oxblood conjure up visions of luxury for you? Ah, yes, it really represents the image of myself I want to present to the world: pain, suffering, Carrie at the prom. Ok, that was pig’s blood, but it could have been ox.
Speaking of blood – which we were, because no way are you going to have a color named oxblood and then act like it’s so exquisite and gorgeous and not remotely think about slaughterhouses and dead animals (unless you have no soul) – when I was in Turkey and learning to brew their delicious chai, I was told to steep it until it was the color of sheep’s blood.
I’d, thankfully, never seen a bleeding sheep, but I immediately knew what color I was to aim for…a deep, rich burgundy.